The Impersonal Aspect … Or One Would Think

I definitely have more internet friends than real-life friends, at least at this point in my life.

Internet friends have always been easy for me to make. Through mediums such as online gaming, it is a cinch to make the acquaintance of someone far, far away from me and then become good buddies as if we had known each other for years.

Conversely, real-life friends are more difficult for me to get used to. I am naturally shy and socially awkward, I may or may not have social disorders and I am very reluctant to come out of my shell around people in general. These factors, among other things, contribute to why I do not make real-life friends as easily.

I wish I had more real-life friends – I honestly do – but there are lots of moments where I just want to retreat to the virtual comforts of cyberspace to interact with my internet comrades. Chalk it up as a strange tidbit about my personality, but part of me feels … at home when I talk to people through things like Skype.

When the in-person aspect is cut from the equation, I find things less threatening, less nerve-wracking … just less whatever. Through a virtual medium, I can be, well, myself. I think the person I act like in real life is only just scratching the surface of who I really am on the inside. My true personality remains hidden from the real world, where things like internet memes and ‘leet’ (1337) speech are not considered the norm.

I always tell my real-life friends that I act very differently online. This is evident when I am playing my video games, such as when I am on “League of Legends.” There are even cases where the things I picked up from talking online so much slips through into my casual speech.

I could say things like:
- B-T-W. (Be-tee-dub for by the way).
- Dat (something).
- OP (overpowered).

Yeah, I am a strange guy. Often conflicted between the real and virtual worlds, I can be quite an identity crisis. But all things considered, I have made some strides in being better in real-life situations. I am still a klutz and whatnot, but I am definitely improving in becoming less of one. I still have bad habits, like my tendency to mumble too much when talking to someone, but I do feel more confident in speaking to others.

Small strides go a long way. I wish I could replicate my self-confidence from online interactions. If I could do this, perhaps my life at the moment would be in a completely different spot. I try to better myself with simple actions, whether it is making an attempt at eye contact or even forcing a smile of sorts.

Nevertheless, my online friends are still important to me. I have shared a lot about myself to these so-called “strangers,” and I do not regret my social interactions with them.

I just think it is time I strike a better balance with real-life people who I can meet and greet versus those I conveniently find on the internet.